Updated: Jul 25, 2022
“People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves”
Can you show me the corners you’ve visited that you didn’t know existed?
Turn on the light, right over there, where the warning signs seem to be surrounding that small child hiding her head between her legs.
Do you see her? There are spiderwebs everywhere.
When was the last time you dusted this place?
I don’t mean to sound judgmental, it just reminds me of a place.
Let me show you.
come with me,
right over here,
where the sun is shining on that field.
Do you see all of these flowers? Yes, there are many patches, but one doesn’t become a gardener over night.
I am still learning.
There used to be a small child there, surrounded by spiderwebs, and warning signs, too.
After many years of trying to understand who she was and what was going on, I realized there lied the root of my pain.
I realized it wasn’t a room full of demons or monsters, it was all of the parts of me I abandoned that took the shape of a younger me.
I knew she looked familiar.
And I learned that the longer I waited, the less she would trust me to not leave her again.
I didn’t open the door when I first discovered it because I needed to believe that I would not abandon her again. Because I needed to devote time into trusting myself to not stop halfway.
For years I would sit outside the door. It was cold, lonely and especially painful.
I would close my eyes and hold myself, caress my skin and let the tears fall, night after night, eventually without judgment. It became my nightly ritual, as if I was adding a grain of sand each time, mustering up the courage to walk inside and hold her in my arms.
One night, I held myself a bit tighter and smiled. I was thinking to myself that there was something different about my visit this time.
A little finger tapped my shoulder.
There she was, my wise guide, with her young, tender skin, extending her arm, letting me know I was ready to learn gardening, and to never feel lonely again.
"Y, entonces, dormir en sus brazos el mismo sueño que duerme un niño, porque sabe que alguien más fuerte que ella la está protegiendo de todo mal y todo peligro." - Brida